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frustrated mommy

I'm frustrated tonight so I'm going to take this opportunity to whine for a moment. It's currently 1:30 am and instead of being in my nice comfortable bed, I'm snuggling a little baby girl who started to get congested overnight last night because she doesn't feel good and can't lay on her back without choking on junk. I've sort of mentioned that Piper has some feeding difficulties, and anyone who has ever had a child get congested can tell you that kids with stuffy noses have a hard time eating. Suffice it to say that we have seen new shades of blue in her lips today while she was trying to drink her milk. It sucks to see your newborn baby catch germs when you've tried so hard to keep them safe. In all honesty she could have picked up something from an older sibling in spite of us making them wash their hands and put on clean clothes as soon as they walk in the door after school. We've limited their time holding her and a couple of them haven't gotten to hold her much because their allergies have been flared up this week. We've limited visitors and I can count on one hand the number of people outside our immediate family that have held her since we brought her home. Even so, she has been hit by something that's clogging her nose with thick, greenish-yellow snot. It's really friggin sad to watch a tiny newborn sneeze, cough, and forget to take breaths because there's crud in her upper airway. If that wasn't enough, I'm feeling frustrated by Raya's little stomach tonight. And her piece-o-crap feeding pump (ok, it's not really a piece of crap, I'm just annoyed with it tonight). Donny checked on her pump at about 11:30 before he went to bed and found out that it was clogged enough that it wasn't feeding her but it wasn't alarming. (on the list for tomorrow: call home health and get them to exchange it asap because I'm sick of it doing that) It had only had 750ml in the bag but said it had feed 945ml and counting, and when I pushed the prime button and held it over the sink, not a drop of anything came out. I had to literally take the pump bag tubing apart in order to unclog it. (PS tonight I hate that her formula starts to smell like rotten fish when it starts to spoil and I'm even feeling irritated thaI'm mixing formula for my 4 year old, although it doesn't usually bother me. Just extra irritable tonight I guess.) At the same time that he brought the pump out so I could fix it, we realized that she had not woken up yet like she always does that time of night. Want to know why? Because she'd only gotten a little over half of her formula for the day. Guess what happened after I gave her night meds and started the pump again. She woke up crying. I walked into her room and she was sitting on the floor trying to unplug the pump. I asked her if her stomach hurt and she didn't answer. I asked get if she needed the pump turned off and she shook her head yes. I asked again if her stomach was hurting her and she shook her head yes. Unfortunately I couldn't do that because she needed the formula. The only thing I could do was turn her rate way down so she'll get fed more slowly and hopefully be more comfortable. Luckily I was able to get her back in her bed and she went back to sleep instead of rolling around on the living room floor and crying for 45 minutes like last night. So yeah, it's been a frustrating evening. It sucks to see your babies suffering and not be able to fix it. After over 4 years of it, I'm tired. Most of the time I don't even think about things like that because it doesn't do anyone any good, but tonight with the combination of Raya feeling great until we fed her and Piper getting sick, my heart is a little heavy. On the bright side, I bought one of those Nose Frieda nasal aspirator things before Piper was born and that little bugger is awesome. It works great! Also on the bright side, nothing makes me feel more calm, relaxed, peaceful, and happy than my sweet little Piper sleeping on my chest. It's a good thing because she's sticking close by me until she's over the crud she caught.

Comments

  1. I'm sorry baby girl isn't feeling well! Be gentle with yourself. You are entitled to feel down and frustrated. Most people who read this know where you are coming from. I certainly understand. Sending hugs to you and your family.

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  2. Em was congested from about week 3-month six. I had to nurse kind of leaning over so that the side she was on was high so she could breathe.....man, that sucks. It all sucks. I got a nose Freda too. Handy. Won't let me go near her now with it. Wish I could come help/make snot disappear. You are doing great, especially considering all the 'extra' things you have to do to make life and kids and family run. Feel free to rant.

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  3. Thinking of you. It's not easy. You do an amazing job - your kids are happy in life. At the end of the day, that's what counts.

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  4. I hope the little punkin is feeling better. So glad the booger-sucker is working well. Those things look pretty awesome! We are in a different ballgame with tummy stuff, so different reasons, but I'm to the point I dread hooking H up at 10, because at 10:30 she wakes up gulping air/reflux and crying. So I totally feel ya. And yes, it wears on you over time, and you are more than entitled to have down days (or nights). Big hugs and I hope your heart is a little less heavy than it was when you posted.

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