Skip to main content

Not a resolution, just trying something new

I don't make New Year's resolutions. I can count on one hand the number of times I've done it. I remember my 3rd grade class making resolutions. I wish I could remember what they were. I imagine they were probably pretty entertaining. :) I attempted a couple of resolutions 2 years ago that I thought I could maintain throughout the year, but like most resolutions, they ended in me not being able to keep up with them by about mid-February, and ultimately feeling like I had failed yet again at doing things that I thought should be totally do-able. It seems like resolutions are like what Mary Poppins called "pie crust promises" that are easily made and easily broken. Heck, breaking resolutions is almost as much of a tradition as making them!

At the same time, I DO like the idea of what resolutions are supposed to be. Change is hard though. Consistency is hard. I can think of LOTS of things that I'd love to change and improve about myself, but to be realistic, at this exact point in my life, I'm doing well to just keep my head above the water with everything else that's already going on.

IF I was to make a resolution, it would be to get better at planning our meals ahead of time. The number of times that my family has eaten burritos for dinner in the past 3 months since we moved and I started my current classes is embarrassing.

IF I was to make a second resolution, it would be to go to bed earlier and get up earlier. (Old habits die hard. :)

IF I was to make a third resolution, it would be to potty train Raya and get her off the feeding tube this year. Ha ha. More realistically though, I would really love to expand her selection of foods, both things that she CAN eat and things that she WILL eat. That is definitely more realistic.

Since I don't really make resolutions though, this is one thing that I'm doing instead. I have found that like many women/wives/mothers, I am really good at being hard on myself. There are many nights that I go to bed feeling like I have been busy all day but accomplished NOTHING. I have a hard time not comparing myself with the idealistic versions of my friends & family members that I see through the small glimpses I get into their lives from social media or in real life. I have friends who are amazing when it comes to doing fun and creative learning activities with their kids. I saw this meme on facebook the other day and got a good laugh out of it because it's way too true:
(This version is even better than the original because it has "took a shower" crossed out!) I have other friends (2 in particular, whom I love dearly and greatly admire) whose houses are always spotless and have not a thing out of place, and yes, they do have young kids. All of my friends & family members have qualities that I admire and would LOVE to develop in myself, but I can't morph myself into some superhuman combination of the best traits of all of my friends & family members. Nobody can. We were all created with special talents and traits, and we're SUPPOSED to have different strengths and weaknesses than each other. If we all had the same strengths and weaknesses (or no weaknesses), then there would be nothing left to learn or improve upon in life. That doesn't mean that we can't make weaknesses become strengths, but we should not allow ourselves to feel bad or inadequate because we're not as {fill in the blank} as our friends or family members. I often feel frustrated at the end of the day because it's hard to see progress in any aspect of my little world. In order to combat the feelings of inadequacy that come from not feeling like I've accomplished anything, I'm doing this:
I got this cute little calendar (it's about 6x6) in the dollar spot at Target. It was marked 75% off so I paid a whopping 25 cents for it. Rather than set myself up for disappointment when I don't consistently follow through with unrealistic resolutions, I'm making daily lists of things that I DO accomplish. It will vary from day to day. Some days, I'll accomplish more than others. Heck, some days I'm doing AWESOME to remember to stop and feed myself, but no matter how much or how little I get done, I will be able to visually see what my accomplishments have been that day, even if they're not visible from looking around the house. In a way, maybe this is aiming low and I should try to set higher goals for myself, but I don't care. I'm looking at it as a way to foster my own self-confidence and feelings of self-worth. Maybe the more I see myself accomplish, the more I will push myself to do more just so I can see my lists get longer. Maybe I'll run out of steam and stop doing this mid-February too. Either way, I think it will be a nice little experiment and a little bit of taking care of me. ♥

Comments

  1. Brandis, this post is priceless coming from you because other moms look at you and think "how does she so optimistically deal with her challenges and accomplish so much!" It just goes to show that feeling inadequate is a common trait among women.
    And I think it does help to keep a record. I had a boss tell me that if you keep score, the score gets better. I see that in my own life. If I'm blogging about my accomplishments or even write them down in a planner, I try harder to make my days worthwhile than if I'm not making any record at all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Brandis, I have been reading your blog for a while after stumbling on it through the FTA site and your adhesives post. My own tubie is 16 months old and a complex kiddo with a syndrome (Cornelia de Lange), heart condition and some other challenges. She spent 8 months with an NJ before getting a MIC-KEY. I am coordinating Kaylee's needs with the needs of my five older 'typical' kids and it is a juggle some days and an adventure every day! Anyway, I love your honesty and although I am on the other side of the world (Australia)and in a different place in our journey I find a lot in your words to encourage me. Thank-you! I was doing some reading the other day and came across some directions for coconut milk kefir which I thought Raya may like ( http://www.culturesforhealth.com/coconut-milk-kefir-recipe ) specially as it can be made into a creamy, yoghurty consistency similar to her sour cream. I thought it could perhaps introduce some probiotics to her gut too which can't do any harm. An idea anyway, I know I have about a dozen ideas on my to-do list for my girl and only having 24 hours in the day is an ongoing problem :). My own tubie's reaction to food is to paint herself and fill her mouth before blowing raspberries, filling her stomach with air that needs venting! So I think we have a bit of a road ahead of us (especially as we will probably have more surgeries ahead too). Thanks again for your words and honesty

    ReplyDelete
  3. This goes to show that nothing is as it seems. I look up to you as you take care of your own complex kid, along with three kids. I only have to track one complex kid and my house is still a disaster. Some days you win and some days you don't. I often feel that I am failing big time - that I just can't keep up. I came across an idea that I have implemented into my house. A "good things" jar. Whenever something good happens, something I am grateful for, a kiddo milestone, accomplished goals, funnies, etc., I will write it on a slip of paper and put into the jar to be read when I need a lift and at the end of the year. I admit it's a pinterest idea but it's one I think I can keep up with. I hope.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

All comments will require approval from blog owner prior to being published.

Popular Posts

Adhesives Part 1: Adhesives & Taping Techniques for NG tubes

This series has been a long time in the making. Back when Raya got her NG tube, I had no idea there were so many different adhesives on the market. At the hospital, they had used some kind of fabric tape in a box that had to be cut with scissors and that was the ONLY thing we accidentally left at the hospital. Raya caught her little pinky finger on the tube a couple days after we got home and the only medical tape I had ended up bringing home was Durapore. This tape is VERY sticky, very strong, and definitely not the best option for the tender little cheek of a 2 month old baby. A couple days later, we went to the GI doctor and the nurse saw the tape and told me that Duoderm would be much gentler on her skin and she gave me a couple of 6x6 sheets to try out.
That was the beginning of our trial-and-error process of figuring out which types of adhesives were better for all of the different things we used them for. This will of course NOT be an exhaustive review of every adhesive out the…

Sensory Processing Disorder: How to Make a Weighted Blanket

Lately I've been toying with the idea of making Raya a weighted blanket. She loves heavy things and has a lot of sensory seeking behaviors in regards to proprioception. Translation: she craves sensory input that helps her to gain awareness of where her body is in space, and it takes stronger than average input for her to get the feedback that her body is craving. (or at least that's how I understand it :) She seeks out "heavy work" activities, like carrying heavy things, pushing heavy things around on the floor (chairs, full laundry baskets, etc), and anything that gives heavy resistance to her muscles and joints. Lucky for us, carrying her backpack is a good heavy work activity because the poor kid gets to do that for a few hours a day. :)
The idea behind a weighted blanket and other heavy work activities is that when the child gains greater body awareness through proprioceptive input, the nervous system can be calmed and the need for constant fidgiting, moving, jump…

Feeding Tube Terminology: G tube words

One of the many things I didn't have a clue about before Raya got her G tube was the fact that there are LOTS of different kinds of G tubes, all with similar but different features & functions. Some of the terminology that was tossed around in the beginning was very confusing. When I met with the surgeon to pick out a button for when Raya's initial tube was ready to be changed, they pulled a bunch of tubes out of a cupboard, put them down on the table in front of me and said, "What kind do you want?" I had NO idea what to pick, all I knew was that anything would be better than what we had at that point.

Here are a few things I wish someone could have explained to me before Raya got a G tube:

1. What the heck does PEG mean?
PEG stands for percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy. In other words, a gastrostomy tube is placed through the abdominal wall using an endoscope to visually guide the surgeon to the best location to place the tube. The term PEG is used to refer to …