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Walking a fine line

Some days I feel like I'm walking a fine line between being at peace with Raya having a feeding tube and being TOO comfortable with the simplicity of feeding her through the tube. (note: simplicity is not the same thing as ease :) Today is definitely one of those days.
Her lack of willingness and/or ability to eat makes it really easy for me to not feel like it's worth bothering to try to give her food. What's the point if it's just going to get thrown/smashed/smeared instead of eaten? She swallows some of it but lately, more gets spit out than goes down. Or it doesn't go in her mouth at all. Even things she's done great with in the past are getting spit out now, like crackers. Then there's the yogurt. Who really wants to clean up a mess like THIS multiple times a day:
 Lucky for me, she's totally lost interest in yogurt now so all she does is make a mess and say, "Yuck! No wannit!" when I give it to her. She's been saying that with pretty much everything lately. She asks for some of what we're eating and then when I put it on her tray, she tells me "Here, Mommy, nowannit." So then I think, why waste food when she has no interest in eating it and is just going to throw it on the floor or smear it into her hair?
The list of things she will eat & won't eat changes constantly. One day she's chowing down on cream of wheat and the next day (and every day after that) she wants nothing to do with it. There seems to be a complete lack of consistency with the way she reacts to things from one day (or minute) of the next. If she asks for something or seems interested in it, we let her have some, but just because she eats something once doesn't mean she'll want to eat it again.
She likes peanut butter now. At first, I gave her a biter biscuit to dip in the peanut butter. She loved it, but it kind of backfired on me because now she won't eat whatever the peanut butter is on. She licks it off and then puts it down and uses her fingers to scoop up the rest of the PB. I'm sure she'd prefer that I just give her a little cup of peanut butter to eat and not try to give her any crackers or anything with it. All she really needs are her fingers. :)
*Sigh* I just don't know sometimes. Eventually she'll get it but right now I feel like we're running around in circles.


  1. I know how frustrated you are! But remember ALL kids tube fed or not go through phases where they wont eat anything, or only one certain thing. Just try again the next day is all you can do. And luckily with Raya you know she is still getting her nutrition wether she eats or not:)


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