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With my other 3 kids, I was really excited about their first birthdays. I planned ahead what kind of birthday cake I'd make them & how I'd decorate the cupcakes (our tradition for 1st birthdays). It wasn't the first time any of them had tasted cake & ice cream but it was the first time any of them had been given free reign with their very own cupcake. The first 2 kids devoured theirs.

#1 on her first birthday. They look a little bit related, don't they. :)

#2 on his 1st birthday.
They made a mess & had a ball. Kid #3 (who was also a refluxy baby that has never been good at gaining weight) wanted nothing to do with hers until her Auntie coaxed her into eating it.

Eventually she decided that the sweet, sticky frosting wasn't too bad. She didn't eat a crumb of the cake though.

Then there's #4. The one who doesn't like food. Not even chocolate. I tried to give her a little taste of it today and she gagged herself until she threw it up.

Maybe I should squirt her birthday cake into her mouth with a syringe :)

Her birthday will definitely be interesting. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very excited about her birthday, but it will be different than the other kids. There won't be any devouring of her first birthday cupcake, and you can bet your booties that nobody will be allowed to try and feed her any (to avoid aforementioned panic gagging/vomiting). I'll still make (or buy) her cupcakes for her first birthday though, and hopefully she'll at least play with hers. Sigh. This is the kind of stuff that's hard for me to swallow. She's pretty much normal in every way except when it comes to food/eating/digesting, etc. and the older she gets, the wider the gap gets between her and other kids her age. You don't realize how much you depend on food sometimes to pacify & entertain a kid until you have one that doesn't eat any. No cheerios to keep her happy in church, hence the amount of time I spend standing in the back of the room or the hallway. Really, I'm not complaining, just observing. Since it's only 3 days until her birthday (which I can't believe) and in light of how the past 3 weeks have been, I've been thinking a lot about what the next few months and years will bring. I wonder about things like Raya being able to walk with her 5 pound backpack on, how long we'll get to keep attaching a 2 oz bottle to her G tube to catch & measure all of the fluid that drains out of her stomach, if/when the vomiting will EVER stop, how old she'll be before kids start picking on her for being different, if we'll ever find a food that she wants to eat, etc. I don't dwell on those thoughts but they are there. We all want our children to be unique and special, but nobody wants their child to be "different".
Well, that got longer & more rambly than I wanted it too but it's just stuff that's been on my mind. I really can't believe that she'll be 1 year old this week. In some ways it seems like she's been here forEVER but in other ways, the year has just flown by in a blur of miscellaneous doctor & therapy appointments. :)


  1. Well, I can totally sympathize with you on all the thoughts you have, but don't dwell on, they just pop up. But you know this, you've read my blog.
    I hope one day soon she just magically turns that proverbial corner and eats.
    She is stunning. I love your pictures of her.
    Sending good thoughts your way. xoxo


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