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Angry Mommy went away briefly but then she came back

We've had quite the day today. It started out pretty good. Donny got back from his trip and he & his mom brought the kids to the hospital to visit. It was nice to see all of them after a whole week and Raya was really happy to play with the big kids for a little while. Then Donny stayed at the hospital with Raya for a couple hours while I went home to take a shower & get some clean clothes. I was feeling great & feeling very refreshed & ready to come back & spend a couple more days here UNTIL

So when I got back, our nurse (the same one that ordered the c. diff test yesterday) told me that Raya was positive for c. diff. GREAT. I was and still am SO ANGRY that my child who was free of infectious disease & illness when we came here now has something that, from what I've read, is frequently contracted in hospitals, is difficult to get rid of, and can have recurrences. An illness that's difficult to get rid of that causes diarrhea is the LAST thing that my gastroenterologically-challenged baby needs!! We've worked SO HARD to get her to gain weight and maintain a somewhat healthy body and we've done a pretty dang good job of it considering what we've been up against, and now thanks to an illness that was most likely contracted during this hospital stay, that is now being compromised. All we came here for was to give her IV fluids so that we could safely stop feeding her for 24 hours (which turned into 46 because nobody started pedialyte when they were supposed to) to give her stomach a break and so that she could get a GJ tube, which has turned out to not be the band-aid solution that I had hoped it would be since she's still throwing up anyway. Tomorrow I will be researching protocols for putting certain patients in rooms together and asking some Angry Mommy questions.

I know that things usually seem worse late at night when I get tired but tonight I am very angry and frustrated and I feel like somebody just turned off the light that was at the end of this tunnel. With the c. diff, there's no telling when she'll get to go home because that's going to (at least I'm anticipating that it will) make it more difficult to balance the input-output of her fluids, especially since the amount of draining we're doing with her right now hasn't been quite enough to keep her from vomiting. Right now, I just want to take her home & take care of her myself because I'm starting to feel like too many cooks are spoiling the broth. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.


  1. Bless her heart, and bless her mommy too.

  2. You're a great mom! She's beautiful and I love seeing pictures of her, they're so great. I know this is all completely unrelated to your frustration, just trying to cheer you up, or distract you, which ever works. I know exactly how you feel about too many cooks. I felt the same when when Henry was born and was held hostage in the NICU because he wasn't eating enough (but they were giving him IV fluids, squashing his hunger cues and he was less than 24 hours old, and I could go on and rant, but I'll end it there). I was ready to just scoop him up and walk out.
    Sorry to hear about the c. diff, but also thank you for educating me / giving me something to watch for when H is in the hospital. (Do not worry, I am not worrying about him getting it, I am just aware. Thanks for the awarness.) So take that as a postive, in your anger, you've made me aware of something I wasn't aware of before.
    HANG IN THERE!!! I'm sending good thoughts and hopes for a speedy release.

  3. i hope today goes better. she is a doll & happy tho!! it's gotta be so rough being there. good luck!!

  4. Yesterday I was having one of those "woe is me, my life sucks" days. Know what got me out of it? Thinking of you and what a great attitude you've been having through all of this. You really are so amazing. Still praying for you guys...lots & lots!


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