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I need a do-over, please

**Alternate title: Read this post if you want to feel better about yourself**

Wow, the last 24 hours have not been my best work as a mother. It started yesterday afternoon when I turned off Raya's feeding pump when she had about 3 ml left of a 275 ml (5 hour) feed. She had thrown up all over her physical therapist and since she was almost done anyway, I just turned it off to give her a break. I turned it back on at 12:30 to start feed #3. About 4 hours later, the medicine port on the extension tube popped open and more brown coffee-grounds-looking crud started coming out and it was then that I realized that I had forgotten to reset the pump when I started feed #3. The pump that we used to have would beep when a feed ended but the new one doesn't, so she got about 3ml and then got nothing for 4 hours. Strike 1 for Mommy.
Later that evening, I put her in bed and after I had given her the 11pm dose of her ulcer medication & started her 11:15 feed, I went to bed. My alarm went off at 5:00 this morning so that I could give her the next dose of the ulcer med and before I even got to her bed, I could smell the formula and blood from her stomach. Again, the medicine port had popped open in her bed and goodness knows how many hours of her 5 hour feed had gone into her bed. Since it was 5:00 and I wasn't ready for her to be up yet, I put a towel down in her bed and changed her soaked shirt and started the next feed. Apparently some of her feed must have gone in because she was still able to throw up at 6:00. When I got her up at 6:45 though, somehow the clamp had gotten closed which made the medicine port pop open again and soak another shirt & layers of bedding. Not to mention the usual morning poopy diaper.
To further complicate things, when I walked down the hall to put my sticky, smelly baby in the bathtub, I glanced at the clock on the thermostat and saw that it was not 6:45 like I thought. It was 7:48. We're supposed to be getting in the car at 7:48 to take the big kids to school. Big kids who weren't dressed and hadn't packed their lunches. On a normal day, it wouldn't have been quite as much of a problem. It wasn't the first time that I hadn't made it out of bed until 7:45. (it was the 2nd time, honest) However, this morning was Raya's appointment with the Anat Baniel Method therapist, which is a 60 mile drive each way from our house, which means I have to take the kids to school and pretty much leave straight from there to drop Kaida off & make the trek to the ABM appointment. On a side note, this was also our 100th appointment for the year.
I quickly rinsed Raya in the kitchen sink, slapped on a diaper & t shirt, threw together sandwiches for the big kids' lunches, didn't bother to make them change into clothes that matched, let Ashtyn wear flip flops to school and put her own hair into an unbrushed ponytail, tried to make Cole wear flip flops (he's paranoid that they'll break and I won't be able to bring him new ones & he'll have to sit in the classroom all day), threw everybody in the car, and drove like a madwoman carefully and safely to the school. Since they got there before the gates closed (like, as the person was closing them) and I didn't have to take them into the office to sign them in late, I consider it a successful drop-off. Then we came home and I hurried & gave the girls a bath and attempted to make myself presentable and headed back out the door so I could drop Kaida & her unbrushed hair on my sister-in-law's doorstep and go to Raya's appointment.
Did I mention the part about how last night I forgot to give Raya 3 of her 4 medications? Yeah. I did. She and her mad reflux skillz paid me back for it all day long though by spitting up like crazy, all of which was brown. Then when we were less than 1/2 a mile from her appointment, she woke up from her nap and threw up in her new carseat (which I was at least  smart enought to put a waterproof pad in before she ever sat in it). It was brown too. Luckily I can reach her better in her new carseat so I kept her pants dry and I had a spare shirt in my purse. She also inhaled some of her spit-up once during the appointment and coughed until she threw up. I had a burp rag in front of her to catch it but I had it too close to her mouth so when she coughed, throw-up shot into the air and landed on my hair & face. If the therapist laughed at me, she at least did it while she was in the other room getting a towel so I didn't see her.
When we were driving home, I suddenly couldn't remember which way I was supposed to go when the freeway split so I ended up taking a detour through the south end of town and even more pathetic, I inadvertently exited the freeway and had to take another detour to get back on so that I could drive back to the other freeway that I was supposed to be on.
So yeah, I'd like a do-over. At least everybody's still happy & healthy & I can laugh at myself. I also laughed at my neighbor this evening when she asked me if we're going to have another baby soon.


  1. I am so sorry you have had such a rough day:( You are so strong & with all that's going on you still think of others. I know the Lord has given you these struggles because he knows you can handle them. You truly amaze me girl! Keep being the awesome mommy that you are, it will all be worth it:)


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