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Friday, December 12, 2014

Trying to remember

This week has beaten me. I'm waving my white flag. It seems like the more I try to do, the less I get done. The more meaning I try to fill our Christmas season with, the less I feel of it. It's been an emotionally frustrating week and I know I need an attitude adjustment but I just can't seem to find the energy to get myself off of the path of least resistance. All I can think about is our trip to LA next week for motility testing. While I am hoping and praying for the best, I have been doing this sort of thing with her for nearly 5 years. We have done this test before and I know what to expect, and I know how Raya copes (or rather doesn't cope) with this sort of thing. I have a constant internal battle going on between hoping that this will turn out to be the time that somebody figures out something helpful, and knowing better than to get my hopes up. I'm popping antacids like candy and having trouble swallowing thanks to my own stress-related GI issues. And you know the worst part of it? I have been horrible to live with this week. I have been crabby and probably even just flat out mean at times and that makes me feel pretty lousy too. This evening was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back and now I'm trying to reel myself back in, take deep breaths, and remember what is important. Remember who is in charge, and that I am probably trying to take too much of this on myself without letting Him carry me. As crazy as it is to take this motility testing trip in December (again. just like last time.) I am grateful that we are going during the month when Christ is closest to our minds and hearts. I am thankful for Christ, for Christmas, and for these sweet people:

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